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In this article, we embark on a journey through a spectrum of GAMSAT Section 2 essays, ranging scores from the low 50s to the mid 80s. Accompanying these essays are insightful comments and feedback, meticulously highlighting both their strengths and areas for improvement.
For all people medicine is fundamental to how their societies work in the modern day. Medicine is part of the everyday of most people’s lives. Whether it be reading about research and how it affects them, on the internet or taking the drugs they have been prescribed to make them feel better, it is clear that healthcare and medicine is very important in current times. Therefore, it is necessary for all people to try and know as much about medicine as possible.
Bob Marley was a Rastafarian and people in this community do not care about medicinal treatment as much as most people do. When his career was becoming a force in the world that was changing the way many people thought about things, he died. Thus, we can see that someone who could have made society a much better place had his life cut short because he did not worry about the toe infection he had and did not seek medical treatment. It is sad that something as small as a toe infection which could have easily been cured caused the death of a great influencer of the twentieth century.
To conclude, we can see that medicine plays a vital role in how our societies exist. We need to be cognizant of our health for our own sake and this will lead to a hap pier life for us as individuals and communities.
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The structure of this essay is not too bad; however, it tackles the issue at a very surface level. The arguments are weak, lack any compelling evidence and are quite childish in the way they are expressed.
Medicine acts specifically in relation to the human condition. Humanity is just a function of all things considered in the space of human will. This will’s functionality exists apropos to what we see in ourselves, our desires, our wants and our needs. It is then obvious to see that medicine is not only a representation of the human condition as a whole but goes further to become intrinsic to humanity’s very existence. Thus, I contend that we should not just study medicine but seek to be it as a community as well. It should encapsulate us and itself in one.
On the notion of self-involvement, it is a commonality of the modern man’s collective persona. As a child I spent many an hour in the watching of one of my favourite films: metropolis. This movie explores the nature of the modern experience. Medicine in this experience is not what it has come to be known as previously. The age of the enlightenment changed the conceptualization of the collective around medicine, and this was furthered entrenched throughout the last few hundred years leaving medicine as an individualized component in the set of our realities. Fragmented and disjointed from purpose and being, the modern functionality of medicine is drifting from why it first existed. None of us can alleviate the inner discontents that the post-modern simulacra has infused into our reality to see the interconnectedness.
Further looking at the motifs of this movie we see that it is a plotting of intersectionality of essential thematic. Vertices of the notions are disregarded as to further accentuate the importance of centrality. This central intersectionality for us should be how medicine is used for the creation and maintenance of the species. We are not immortal in the sense of the individual. The negligible senescence of lobsters and tortoises are this individual immortality. However, the human condition centred on medicine has a greater immortality, that is the immortality of the collective persona.
Confucius once said, ‘it is not how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop.’ This phrase highlights the projection of this purpose. Medicine slowly births from the vertices, leaving its tracks along the way, and when it reaches the centre it cuts its metaphorical umbilical cord to perceive the light of a new world where it guides the collective to a heightened immortal consciousness.
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This essay is extremely confusing. At a surface level it looks like the Author might be saying something very interesting, however when we read deeper, we see that there is no clear contention and the logical progression is pretty poor. The expression is extremely verbose as well. Thus for entirely different reasons, this essay scores quite a similar to the first essay.
Violence is inherent to many systems. A structure that permeates violence in the modern day is medicine as it results in most people not having the chance to be properly healed. For us to clearly understand this we shall look at disenfranchised people and how medicine relates to them. Medicine being a core element of the modern day, having institutions placed throughout society. Thus, the structural violence that medicine carries out is an extremely polarizing one as it is not something that most people recognize and try to change.
It is unfair what we see today. Healthcare is now just a means of categorizing classes in society. Structural violence is a form of violence that is normalized in society because it is so embedded. It is clear that most healthcare system cause structural violence. Violence has purveyed many of the social structures in society because we no longer have a sense of identity and understanding of the rights that belong to us. For this reason, we see people everywhere facing the embedded violence of society. Sometimes homeless people have nowhere to go, other times women are not taken as seriously, racism prevents many people from living out their dreams. These structures have become a means of privileged people enjoying life at the expense of those are exploited. We must consider and ponder on the nature of these types of structural violence.
Healthcare should be a right to all people. Those people who do not have this healthcare are disadvantaged in life. How can anyone become better and move forward if there are barriers stopping them from becoming who they need to be. Their destiny and desires in life are unattainable as there are huge impediments that stop them along the way.
These and legitimized and normalized in society and thus are difficult to fight against for most people. A clear example of this are people who are victims of the racism of the drug war in America and were sent to jail where there are no opportunities, and the healthcare is not great. Thus, it is necessary for us to see these forms of violence built into society and work against them as many of them influence and affect healthcare and many other things in society, creating many forms of injustice.
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This essay has heaps of potential; however, it falls very short as it seems the author spent no time planning. There are two major flaws in this essay: 1. The logical progression is terrible. 2. The paragraphs do not stay on theme enough. There are too many tangents. If the author took some time to plan and clearly show how healthcare functions as a form of structural violence, the essay could have gone up 10-15 marks.
For most of us Medicine is something we come across every day. However, very few of us know the systems of knowledge and methods of research that has resulted in medicine looking like how it does in the modern day. Historically majority of medicinal research has been eminence based, however lately it has shifted to a more evidence-based methodology. Thus, by showing the evolution of medicine along this trajectory and looking at the elements of different methodologies I will aim to prove that the general direction that the field of medicine is heading in is one that best fits the outcomes it desires.
Eminence based medicine has long been central to the system of medical research. It refers to clinical decision making that is heavily reliant on the opinions of prominent medical and health practitioners in the specific area. Historically due to the high level of asymmetry in information in relation to health, many people were happy putting absolute trust in those individuals who were well known and had prestigious positions. However, this form of progress in the knowledge base of medicine is inherently problematic as it is built on basic logical fallacies of appealing to authority. In addition to this, there is also the plausible reality of medicinal research being plagued by political and economic influences. In the case of eminence-based medicine this can happen quite easily with no one taking notice. A prime example of this is Thalidomide. Thalidomide was built primarily on eminence based and when people started to notice problems around it, pharmaceutical companies paid to keep central figures in the medical community talking positively about it. It was only after the many extremely harmful consequences of Thalidomide became obvious that people disavowed it. Thus, further clarifying the way that eminence-based medicine is not as factually secure and easily politicized and taken advantage of.
However, in current times medical research is clearly shifting towards evidence-based procedures. Evidence based medicine influences more than just the space of research, it goes further out into the way medicine is practiced as a whole. This is because evidence based not only uses critically appraised and peer reviewed medical processes, it also studies patient values and preferences in order to make the best decisions. This extra layering of context is important as it has allowed for medicine to become something more accessible for historically disenfranchised communities. A clear example of this is the development of medical diagnostic procedures that are specific to indigenous people. This procedure has an extra layer of understanding as they have to take into account the historical context pertaining to the relationship indigenous people have had to hospitals and Western medicine. Thus, we can see through the exploration of one of the major ways medical practice has evolved, that the trajectory that modern day medicine is taking is a positive one, and if this progress carries on many of the problems that have historically plagued medical practice will eventually disappear.
2. Eminence based medicine has long been central...
3. However, in current times medical research...
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All things considered, this is a pretty strong essay. There is a clear contention. The logical progression and structure are neat. It shows the author is well read and empathetic. However, it falls short in a few things that prevent it from being an amazing essay; 1. The expression is very basic. and 2. When it starts to talk about politics the explanations are very shallow.
In the current politico-economic landscape of most nation states, health and healthcare are contentious issues. It is this very discourse that lead me to both research the realities and explore my own values and beliefs in relation to the notion of health. This surveying of my mental landscape led me to one unwavering belief: “healthcare is not a privilege, it is a right.” When this statement became core to the way I understand the human condition, I started to question why is it that the societies I live in have come to embody the opposite of this belief in practice. This line of questioning led me to understand one of the most fundamental mechanisms in the way modern societies function. This mechanism is the domineering politico-economic ideology: Neoliberalism. Through observation we can see it functions to commodify most aspects of the human experience and does so very drastically in the case of healthcare. The current dominant perception on the notion of healthcare is to simply see it as medicine.
This reductive narrative on the nature of healthcare disregards the complexity and multifactorial reality of healthcare. Thus, for us to truly understand the change in how healthcare has functioned we must first understand some of its core components. Currently, healthcare exists as a set of systems and structures that function to convey generally curative procedures to members of the population that are deemed viable. These systems and structures function in the tangible through institutions and bureaucracy, and procedures and methods that are often perceived as apolitical are backbone of this reality. However, we can ask ourselves in the words of Michel Fouccault, “Are there truly any apolitical facts?” and come to the answer that any realm of inquiry and thought exists in relation to the knowledge production in and around it, which is clearly a political reality. Coming to the realization that healthcare has always been a deeply politicized notion, we must understand the historical evolution of its political positionality to understand where it is situated in the current context. Roughly speaking medicine and healthcare used to be more fragmented in most pre-industrialized societies, where individuals in communities would use the tools they had to best help people with diseases. However, with the scientific and industrial revolution, medicine and healthcare as a practice became more systematized. It is not this systemization that is the cause of healthcare no longer being viewed as a right. Rather it is the fact that this process of systemization happened both simultaneously and together with the development of capitalism, and in recent times Neoliberalism. Thus, we see that this systemization builds procedures and institutions that function with money central to its purpose.
This commodification acts to remove access to healthcare as a right and rather establish it as privilege only afforded to those who can afford it. A very clear example of this is the defunding of hospitals in rural areas, especially areas inhabited by indigenous people. Since these hospitals are generally unprofitable, they are deemed unnecessary. It is clear to see from this that healthcare has become deeply commoditized, to the point where in some countries such as America it is almost completely privatized. Taking something that has historically been seen as a right and stripping it from those who need it most. To conclude, I would like to re emphasize my central belief that healthcare should be seen as a right and not a privilege and implore you to resist the politico-economic ideologies that have resulted in society believing that it is a privilege.
For the time allocated, this essay is pretty much perfect. It is deep, clear, logical, empathetic and compelling.